bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
