OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
