booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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