Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
