so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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