I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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