apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
