they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
