would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dicks are not precious.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
