He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
one might say we're banned from that church
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
