he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
