Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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