i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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