i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
