my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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