u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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