sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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