what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize