i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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