just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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