also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize