You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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