I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
