There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have tasted many bathrooms
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
