K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
