Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
