Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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