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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I thought that was really considerate

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.

  Fav 8 1720 4252

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• (631): View more from New York

  My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch

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• (509): View more from Washington

  My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.

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• (619): View more from California

  She's still here. My penis can feel it.

  (858): View more from California

  Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago

  (619): View more from California

  FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week

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• (760): View more from California

  Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.

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• (310): View more from California

  Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday

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