OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize