Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
