Where are you?
In a non slutty way
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
a search helicopter?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
