dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
