Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
