You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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