threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
