How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
