it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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