Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And then he peed in my hair
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