What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
