I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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