I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
