What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
