Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
