I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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