she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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