She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
