u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
