dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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