All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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