dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
