So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
