My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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