This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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