I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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