I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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