thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
