Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
