I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
