"it" just moved
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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