Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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