honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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