Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
