i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
