Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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