You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
