Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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