The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
