i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
