i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize