She is in my trunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
