I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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