tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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