my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
