I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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