he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize